My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
