it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize