I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
