you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize