i just had sex bonerless
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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