I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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