Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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