Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
