it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize