Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
