you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
