Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
