Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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