I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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