Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
the liver wants what the liver wants
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
