There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
