Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
