Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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