He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
