I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
