ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
