come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
