last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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