why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
