Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
