Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize
