you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
