I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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