I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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