please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
