I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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