I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize