Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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