she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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