i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he shaved USA in his pubs
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's blow job season.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize