In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
