My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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