hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize