guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
