i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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