I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
