Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
