marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
