my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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