i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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