I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
