Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
