I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
