So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's blow job season.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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