wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize