I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Green mimosas i think yes
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
