You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
