"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
