Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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