It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
