I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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