bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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