Kiss
Puke
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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