I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
