It's Friday. Sex?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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