Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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