He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
