my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
