Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
