remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
