so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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