What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
