you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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