You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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