It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My liver just had a heart attack.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
