if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
