I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
