I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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