I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
