Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
