no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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