"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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