I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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