Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
