If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
