I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
