Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
