I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
