i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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