mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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