I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
