my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
