Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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