you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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