benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
