meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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