i permit you to call me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
