haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize