he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The best revenge is premature balding
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
