Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
