I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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