I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
