i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
