Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
