I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
