This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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