you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
