i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
