just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
