I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
