Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
