the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
